I thought about it again and loved the thought of it. So I decided to go and take another look. But it wasn’t there. I immediately felt a missing taste in my mouth and an empty space in my stomach.

Imagine that you’re having a meal and you set aside a piece of the most delicious thing that you like…you reserve it to be the last bite, so that you can end the meal with that pleasurable taste in your mouth. Then, just before you put it in your mouth, it falls to the ground. Do you know the feeling you get at that moment when your taste buds and your stomach have been denied the delight of that anticipated pleasure?

That was exactly the feeling I had when I stood in my backyard and saw in disbelief that the one, solitary mango was no longer hanging from my tree. I had planted the tree a couple years ago. It was producing for the first time. All the other buds had fallen off with the wind, but this one, giant, beautiful Julie mango had survived and was going to be the first fruit of my labor—I desired to taste the thing I had planted, nourished, watered and watched with expectancy.

In the last few days, I had gone to look at my mango every day, building anticipation for the moment when it was ripe enough to enjoy. I couldn’t believe it. It was so close to being ripe…in another two days or so I would have picked it and enjoyed it. I looked around to see if the wind had finally blown it off. It was nowhere to be seen. Then finally, I saw the carcass—the stripped, moist seed. The insects were still finishing up their meal. My mango was completely consumed by ants, worms and other creepy, crawling things. They had eaten skin and stem, flesh and fiber, all the way down to the seed.

Okay, I can imagine what you must be thinking. What’s the big deal? It’s just one mango. No; in that moment I was given one of the great secrets of human happiness and it goes far beyond the mango. 

Material things have a lot to do with our happiness. For example, I’m happy to have a car and I enjoy the convenience of traveling whenever I choose. I’m happy to have a home with air conditioning, heat, light and the comfort of a bed. I’m happy to have a computer that gives me fingertip contact with the world via the Internet.

Now, if I’m not careful, I begin to develop a relationship with my car, the creature-comforts of my home, my computer and a wide range of other material things. Suddenly, one day, I will be separated from one of those things. If I’ve developed a relationship with the material things in my life, my happiness will be impaired every time one of them is taken away. Now here’s the great secret…

“Hold on very lightly to the desirable things in your life that are material, physical and tangible.” While you hold them, enjoy them thoroughly, but always with the awareness that they are definitely going to leave you some day, that is, unless you leave them first. Decide consciously that your source of happiness is internal and that when the external things depart, you will make whatever emotional adjustment necessary and continue to experience joy, contentment and peace of mind.

Research and personal experience show that the vast majority of people in western societies are unhappy. Some lament the things they do not have, some bemoan the thing they had but have lost, and some are obsessed with fear about losing the things they do have.

In a split second, the experience with my mango provided a rude awakening for me…rather, a reawakening…to the fact that some day, everything around me is going to fall to the ground and get consumed by the insects or simply decay and go away. This awareness led me to re-assess my priorities and the things I hold to be important in life.

I have come to conclude the following. First, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying cars, homes, computers or mangoes for that matter. Second, the intrinsic value of these things is limited and temporary, but my happiness can be ongoing. Third, I must ensure that my primary focus is on the immaterial things that provide lasting meaning and true joy. Examples are healthy relationships with other people, acts of kindness that bring joy to others, a sense of purpose and fulfillment from meaningful work and accomplishments, and of course, the pursuit of God. When those things are operating well in my life, I am happy—period.

By the way, the incident with my mango happened a week ago. When I began to sense that feeling of emptiness from losing it, I decided to let it go…tough lesson, but it was gone. I consciously forced my emotions down, choosing not to feel any more disappointment, to sulk or curse the insects. Two days later, a remarkable thing happened. Our neighbor, Mrs. Brown, gave us a plastic bag containing half dozen beautiful, ripe mangoes that I did not request or expect. Out of nowhere, my mango was replaced six times over. And guess what? Two of the six were of the Julie species…just like the one I lost.

Here’s a universal law I’ve discovered in life. When you hold too tightly onto things, they tend to suffocate, die and go away. When you hold lightly, these “things” are free to come and go without stress or strain. Remember, the universe is chock-full of things we can enjoy. When we allow them to come and go freely, they often go away and bring back plenty.

Work hard to produce things of economic and experiential value. Enjoy them thoroughly while you have them, but remember this secret of happiness and you will never lack for long. Observe the lessons of life and you can find joy even when your desires fall to the ground and die.

Take it from me, this attitude will give you altitude.

Best Regards,

Alvin
PS: For personal development materials that can help you overflow in this area, I recommend the audio program, Born to Fly, from my website, www.AlvinDay.com. It contains the code for ongoing happiness and for an abundance of achievements and possessions.