She hated to look at her own face in the mirror. It conjured up embarrassment, shame, self-pity, low self-esteem and other destructive emotions. They all robbed her of the confidence and the impetus to live out loud.  After all, isn’t a woman’s face her calling card—the way most people judge her first—one of her most treasured assets?

Nicole was a customer service manager at Enterprise rent-a-car. She was sharing with me how a scar on her face had denied her of joy for many years. Every morning she’d paste herself with makeup in an attempt to hide the blemish, but the result was never satisfactory.

One day, something dramatic happened. She saw the television story of a beautiful woman who was wounded in a terrorist attack and over 80 percent of the skin on her face was burned…over 80%!  Her face was completely disfigured.

Nicole began to feel the intense, excruciating pain of the woman’s tragedy. It was overwhelming. She felt some of the physical pain; she felt the emotional pain. The best of plastic surgeons would still leave this woman’s face permanently marred—even hideous. Then the magic happened. As Nicole slipped out of that traumatic, emotional experience and contemplated her own facial problem, she felt a surge of gratitude and happiness. “Now, every time I think of my little pimple, I am so thankful, it’s hard to explain,” she told me with a beaming smile.

Nicole’s story is not about women and their faces; and it’s not about just physical pain. Rather, I tell you this story to represent every single kind of difficulty, trouble, trauma, adversity, problem, challenge, disaster, weakness, failure, mistake, mess…you name it…that you could possibly have experienced in your life.

Do you ever feel debilitating emotions such as guilt, embarrassment, doubt, fear, etc., from the issues and challenges of life? And by nature of being debilitating, don’t these emotions inhibit your productivity, performance and your overall sense of wellbeing? I expect that if you are older than a newborn, your answer is YES. And doesn’t everything in you want the emotional blemish to go away and leave you free again?

 “Out damned spot! Out damned spot!” cried Shakespeare’s Lady Macbeth. But the blemish refused to go. She had just killed Duncan and her hands were indelibly stained with blood.  Well, unless you have committed the ultimate crime like Lady Macbeth did, there is no need to walk about with the burden of yesterday’s problems weighing you down and robbing you of the chance to live out loud.

Even if your burden is far heavier than Nicole’s was, her story illustrates a remarkable truth: 

There is always someone who would gladly exchange your burden for his or hers. Someone would eagerly pay to swap troubles with you, and upon doing so, would be happy and thankful to have yours instead. Do you want an indefatigable, invincible spirit of resilience that can bounce back from almost any trauma or trouble?  Then here’s how you can literally reframe the way your brain interprets adversity:

Step 1: When you face negative emotions due to past or present circumstances, clearly imagine that you are someone else—someone experiencing a related problem that is dramatically more severe. Visualize yourself experiencing the intense pain and the torment. Remain in that thought for a while. Think of the implications for your peace of mind, performance and wellbeing.

Step 2: Imagine yourself desperately wishing that you could swap problems—from the one that is severely traumatic to the one that is less adverse. Think of how good you would feel, if only you could be spared the severity of the more troublesome alternative.

Step 3: Make the mental shift back to your present problem and observe your wish granted. If during the previous step, your imagination was vivid and detailed, you will experience remarkable results upon shifting back. You will immediately feel a great sense of relief that you were indeed spared the more severe possibility. This feeling can vary from a sense of acceptance to overwhelming gratefulness.

Your tranquility, contentment and ability to cope with life’s adversities do not depend on good fortune or a stream of cooperating circumstances. Rather, they all depend on whether or not you exercise the power to redefine conditions of despair into hope; and, conditions of pain into pleasure.

How will this year turn out for you? You can’t predict or control all circumstances, but do you realize the level of authority and power you have to determine how your future turns out? Will it be hampered by the mistakes and failures of the past year? Or, do you now exercise the privilege to reframe and redefine reality to the shape and color you desire?

“In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Albert Clarke

You don’t have to live your life bemoaning past or present problems, interminably shouting, “Out damned spot!” Instead, choose to find a reason to be grateful and empowered—not in spite of, but because of your problems—that they are not as severe as those of less fortunate souls.

Even when I go to God with my troubles and request help, I am instructed to do so thankfully:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6 NIV)

Take it from me—this attitude will give you altitude.   Happy New Year! 

Alvin

PS:  Speaking of the New Year—a time for renewal and direction setting—recall that in my past Ezine, I offered a F-R  E-E audio CD entitled: Who Am I, Why Am I Here and Where Am I Going?—Three Questions to Make You Great in 2008.  The response was so positive that even after the offer expired in December, people continued to request copies of the CD. Therefore, our team has decided to extend the offer for a few more days.  Follow the instructions below and the CD is yours…all you do is cover the minimal cost of shipping and handling. You must submit your request by Monday, January 14 in order to receive this discount offer. Click Here: Get my F-R E-E Copy NOW!