“Stop waiting for the perfect guy; you will not be good enough for him”
Regarding relationships, too many single persons miss opportunities, perpetually waiting for Mr. Right or Miss Right. Meanwhile, such persons themselves are not “right” in many ways. Because you are not perfect, you will find that happiness resides in places of “negotiated settlement” where you become content with humanness in its imperfection and beauty.
Too many persons in relationships are miserable because their spouse or partner is not measuring up–not measuring up to standards that the persons themselves cannot reach. It is even more common that Mike, for example, is discontented with Sherry because she is deficient at setting and reaching goals–a skill in which Mike excels; at the same time, ignoring the fact that Sherry is great at people skills, an area in which Mike is deficient.
Questions: So, perfect is not possible, but ideal would be great. How would you define your ideal man, or your ideal woman? Should that person be quite like you, or would that be boring? Your answers may be helpful for those struggling with these questions. Input below….
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Someone who is willing to meet me halfway, not stuck on roles/functions of a man/woman. Someone who is family driven, focused and also knows when to relax a while and have a laugh. Loves the Lord and will ensure that God remains the center of our union. Full of life and laughter.
So Fiona, well said, but there are those today who argue that one of the problems in male-female relationships is the lack of clarity in roles. Both want to lead, both want to win, both want to be dominant…and that it creates ongoing strife, not harmony. How do you respond to that?
You have raised a valid point. But as a couple we would have to define who leads and in what areas. It has to be discussed and agreed that without a defined leader things will not be harmonious around the home, the bible says that a house that is divided shall not stand. Where there’s room for strife the enemy will continue to bring discord in the family. Personally, things can be shared, I believe wholeheartedly in 50-50.
My perfect person should be honest and trustworthy, should be family oriented and should show love just as he is loved…
When it comes to human relationships in general, I would even dear to question if there is even such a thing as ideal. Intimate relationships are yet a greater challenge. To me we start out wrong that is, we start out looking for something in that person we believe will satisfy some void (not necessarily bad or good) we hope will make us happy or even complete. This I believe is wrong. Why not approach relationships from the standpoint that you have something good, honorable and of value to share with that person…you. Why not share you, your good self? You, who bring value and significance to whatever and whomever you join forces with. If your goal in a relationship is to be a blessing to that relationship for mutual benefit, there will always be that quest to be your best self.
Good thought Stephen. If we did what you suggest, our whole expectation set would be different. With each party focusing on the give, not the take, there would be more love to go around than most relationships enjoy today.
Stephen that is the best perspective I’ve read/heard in ages.
One to copy. Well said!! We do indeed need to change our approach. There’s so much we have to offer.
I believe I have been smitten by the ideal bug but in a different way. I once held to the view that God has one special person for you and so I thought I should just be who God wants me to be and wait patiently and hope that Mr. Ribless would find his missing rib, my wasn’t I wrong. I have missed opportunities and have kept hidden so no one sees me. Now I have come to recognize I attract who I am and so I am striving to be the best me and seek to come to a compromise, where he is strong and I am weak and where I am weak and he is strong. I no longer have an ideal in my mind it does not exist, there are some things that are non-negotiable for me. As a Christian I abide by my philosophies and so I am staying within that ambit. I will only look at the thing that I know i definitely cannot live with…..
Interesting change of thought, Josephine. Could it be that there are “ideals,” but you don’t know them until you see them? Could it be that there are possibly hundreds of men alive who could be a wonderful husband or mate for a woman, but that much depends on her, to flow in the stream of possibility and abundance? Operating in the brook of scarcity says there is only one man for you and when you miss him, the rest of your life will be a compromise.
I totally agree….
Very good and relevant topic. Partners and team members have to compliment one another with their strengths and not nit pick on the weaknesses of one another. Help people in their weaknesses. In this way relationships/organisations will grow and flourish. People have to be positive.The more we learn to think of others first, then things will be better. Be selfless.
It is my belief that what makes a relationship sustainable is when people coalesce around fundamental values.We are not perfect and no one we meet will be perfect. What our relationships must be anchored by is the ability to live with the persons imperfection. If we cannot cohabit with the imperfection then the relationship is not for us. With an open mind and the preparedness to admit that we have flaws and we want to be rid of the particular flaws then we can align ourselves with persons who are patient enough to make the journey with us from a place of imperfection to significant improvement.
There is indeed no Mr.Right/Mrs.Right…simply people who are able to overlook the not-so-life-threatening traits of another human being. We all have bad habits.I can’t stand a guy who leaves his shoes at the door and his socks out,waiting for me to pick them up.However,I’d take that over a moody guy.Thing is,compromise on only what you are able to and move on if you can’t.That’s me.If he exists,come on over,if he doesn’t,I’m going to keep working on myself-being the best me and try to wait on Jehovah to bless me with marriage.
Healthy perspective Shadae.